Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
