Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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