just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
