I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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