she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
