I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
