my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
