Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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