Cold hands, warm shart.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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