I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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