I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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