i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His hands were made for my vagina.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
