a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
