Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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