Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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