Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
