hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
