I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
