I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
