dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
