We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
