did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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