I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
