My liver just broke up with me...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
