She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we made out on top of his cat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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