Pappa wants mamma naked
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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