giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
