I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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