I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
