When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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