I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
