3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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