??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize