I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
