Don't make out with my wife yet
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
