These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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