Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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