I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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