how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
