it was like his penis was on wheels.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
