there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
