Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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