I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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