Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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