So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
smell my finger.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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