i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
this hospital has no fireball
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
