My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
