office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize