I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
