apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
