I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
