How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
