I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
