Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
