You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my shit smells like andre
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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