I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
