I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
