Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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