i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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