Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
