Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
