come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you inspire me to be a worse person
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
