i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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