I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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