I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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