I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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