Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
