Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
